ANOTHER APOLOGY TO MIKE

I feel so bad! Mike is a wonderful host (I should know, I've been sponging off him for eons) and here I've gone and told the world that he's cheap and lives in a trailer park. Really, that's a terrible thing to do to a friend.

I don't have the words to express my sorrow so I thought I would read from book that puts into words some of what I feel. It's a childrens' book and the protaginist even looks like Mike. I'll just scan it in. It's named for the dog in the story: "Poohul."

Once upon a time there was a generous host named Mr. Michael. He loved to bake cakes and pies for the many guests he invited to his beautiful house.

Whatever the guests couldn't eat they took home in buldging doggie bags. "What a friend!" they all said, "Hoorah for Mr. Michael!"

What a shock then, when they discovered that a sleazey internet artist had accused Mr. Michael of being cheap! "He says Mr. Michael never has toilet paper for his guests! That's not true," said one outraged neighbor, "He almost always has toilet paper! And he's so generous with his pies! Who would print such a thing!?"

Who indeed? It was none other than "Uncle Bucktooth," a disgruntled guest who didn't like Mr. Michael's pretzels.

Now it so happened that Mr. Michael had a poodle named Poohul. Poohul was very upset by the slander his master had received. Not even a bath could calm him down.

"I'm gonna kick that guy's butt!" said Poohul.

And he did! Passers-by said it was the most gruesome beating they'd ever seen. Poohul acted rashley, they agreed, but all seemed to feel that Uncle Bucktooth had it coming.

A couple of months later when the heat had died down Poohul emerged from hiding.

The two friends were re-united and they danced and danced the whole night through. Poohul even wore womens' clothing! They were very, very happy, and lived happily...you guessed it... ever after!

The End.

APOLOGY TO MIKE

I just got a call from Mike Fontanelli who was very upset that my previous posts made me appear him appear lowbrow. Gee, I feel terrible. I certainly didn't mean to give offence. By way of making up for it I'd like to invite everyone here to a party in honor of Mike. It can be at my house or his house, whichever he prefers.

Directions to my house: park near the wall (above); don't worry about your car, the valet will take care of it.

You'll be met at the gate by my butler Bam Bam who will take you to the house on a scooter.

It's a small house. You won't have trouble finding your way around.

Here's my household staff clowning around with a neighbor. Feel free to ask for anything you want.

Why not take a dip in the pool? When you're finished you'll find helpful staffers ready to dry you off by giving you a group hug in their terry-cloth bikinis.

Maybe Mike will want to hold the party at his place! Directions: hang a right at the Bail Bond place and it's the last trailer on the left. Lock your door securely; you might want to leave a guard dog inside. Try not to step on anything rusty.

Have a seat anywhere. Mike isn't a stickler on formality.


Mike's maid will probably be there. Ask for anything you need. Mike is usually well-stocked with Pez but you might want to bring your own toilet paper.

Well, that's it! It makes me feel good inside that I can do a good deed for a friend!

CARTOONING'S "GREAT EXTINCTION"

I've heard that geologists believe there were at least two great extinctions on Earth, one caused by an asteroid collision and the other by a volcano. I believe I can point to a third one, one that decimated funny cartoonists in the late 1920s and early 30s.

Don't believe me? Look at Lantz's Oswald the Lucky Rabbit (above) which I assume is close to the design Disney used when he invented the character in the 20s. It's a bit flat but it has guts and looks like it can sustain comedy. I can imagine this guy putting a hot iron in his girlfriend's underpants.

Here's (above) the same character years down the line. It's overdrawn, grotesque and definitely not funny. I can't even imagine pulling off a gag with a character like this. John thinks the studio mindlessly shot itself in the foot by attempting to copy Disney. Steve Worth thinks Lantz might have been a victim of his own success. Maybe he had so much work to get out that he had to hire a lot of unfunny people.

Here's (above) another version which is cuter and more appealing. You can do some gags with a character like this but only some. The design emphasizes charcter and dimensional animation possibilities, not comedy. This was the era of the Great Extinction. If you were funny and worked at one of the big cartoon studios then you probably kept your jokes to yourself... that is, until Tex and Clampett came along.

Print media underwent a similar extinction. Opper (above) was doing funny cartoons in 1903. Somewhere in the 20s a lot of the Opper-types were weeded out and a new species replaced them (below)...

...the designers! One of the best designers was George McManus (that's his strip above). His stuff is beautifully drawn but it's not exactly funny. Mc Manus could be hilarious when he wanted to be but during The Great Extinction funny artists had to keep a low profile. Exceptions can be found: Milt Gross, Segar, Goldberg and De Beck; nevertheless, open any newspaper cartoon anthology from this period and you'll have to look hard for the practitioners of funny.

Eventually the writers (including artist/writers) took over. Little Orphan Annie (above) had so much dialogue that the charcters must have become stoop-shouldered. Newspaper strips of this era were READ, just like a novel. Eventually a counter-revolution was mounted but that's another story. The Great Extinction in print media raged for decades and it's still with us, even today.

BEATNIK POETRY

Sorry to put up more YouTube videos. I really am overdoing it. I'll return to mostly print, I promise. Anyway, here's the poem that opens up the film, "Trainspotting." It's actually a good poem, or at least it seems that way when given the star treatment that the filmmaker gave it. Technically it's a punk poem rather than a beatnik poem but the beatnik pedigree is pretty obvious when you hear it.





This is an awful poem but it's too funny to exclude. Were beatniks really like this?

TWO OF MY FAVORITE MOZART ARIAS

OK, OK, I know cartoonists hate opera but you can't hate ALL opera, that doesn't make sense. What's there not to like in this beautiful song by Mozart, "Voi Che Sapete?" I love songs that make an argument, as this song does. With a little time I might be able to articulate what that argument is. Reading the lyrics will probably be slight help. The content of musical argument usually has more to do with subtext than with formal story points.

Too bad YouTube didn't have Elizabeth Schwarzkopff's version of this song.





This (above) is from Ingmar Bergman's version of "Magic Flute." It's not the best aria in the film, that would have been the one that's sung earlier in the story when the queen is first introduced to the knight, but this is still pretty good.

Radical feminists hate this song because it portrays the heroine's mother as crazy, or at least lacking balance, and sets up the case that the father would be a more fit guardian for the daughter because he's more...what's the word...philosophical. I'm not taking sides here, you be the judge!

WELCOME TO THE MIKE PLAYHOUSE

Tonight Theory Corner relinquishes its bandwidth to my friend Mike's TV show, also called Mike's Philoprogenetive Playhouse. Here you'll encounter the celebrity artist's fav actors, musicians and lechable women. First on the bill (above): Spike Jones with Perez Prado.

.


Mike's a big Soupy Sales fan. Here's (above) an excerpt from the famous early 60s kids'show.




Hang on because it starts to get weird here. Mike is a big Sophia Loren fan. He watches the films endlessly, waiting for the nude scenes which, in the era these films were made in, never came. I have to admit Sophia looks pretty good here.





Now things REALLY get weird! Here's Annette Funicello (above) singing "Lonely Guitar, There is No One to Love Us." Mike drools rivers over Annette and probably cries over songs like this one.




Here's another Annette film called something like "Swingin' Pajama Party." Actually Mike isn't in love with the Mouseketeer Annette but rather the older Annette shown here. I don't get it. Annette was a cute kid, no doubt about it, but she didn't age well. I can speak candidly about this because I'm safe at home at my computer. If I said this infront of Mike who knows what would happen?




Last but not least, a sample of the awesome (according to Mike) acting ability of Shirley Temple. I saw "Heidi" with Mike and had to endure endless tear-filled replays of Shirley returning grumpy old men's vitriol with sweet, little moppet charm. Now if only Shirley had sung "Lonely Guitar..."

YOUR NEXT BACKYARD PROJECT

Isn't it beautiful!? I've had this picture for years but I can't remember where I got it. I think it's a detail of a Mayan wall. If anybody out there is about to undertake some brickwork, I recommend that they throw out their plans and redraw them to incorporate this.

Of course this probably requires a stone mason at a trillion dollars an hour.