Don't just peel the tangerine...violate it! Risk going to jail over it! Be Zorba the Greek! Rip that little sucker apart!
"Oops! I forgot about the strings! Isn't life always like that? Just when you're having fun you discover the strings!"
"Well, there's nothing for it but to let the strings fall willy-nilly to the ground. Don't be a dweeb and put them in the wastebasket. Zorba rips his fruit and doesn't worry about the consequences!"
"Now lovingly apply the fruit to the tongue. Tomorrow everybody on the net will have photoshopped a penis into this picture, but I include it anyway, because I like the angle."
"Ooooh! Feel the flavor burst out of the little flavor sacks! That's the taste of liquid sunshine!"
"Feel the citric acid burn your mouth!"
"Man! That's good!"
"Huh....?"
"OK, there's seeds! No big deal!"
"Yummy!"
"OK, there's even more seeds. Actually they never end. Every tangerine has more seeds than the total volume of the fruit. It's a mystery. Don't try to understand it."
"What would Zorba do with the seeds?"
"Now, you may have noticed that by this time your fingers have gotten pretty sticky."
"Zorba would have just wiped his hands on somebody's sleeve, but I have a six month-old restaurant towelette, so I think I'll use that."
"Rip it open with gusto...."
"...and marvel at how they manage to compress a whole wet towel into a small space like that."
"Smell the exotic perfume. How many camels in how many caravans were necessary to bring this precious scent to the West?"
"Now wipe the fingers, taking care not to miss a single spot."
"Amazing! It's just a little Beatrix Potter-size towel but it gets the job done."
"Well, that's it! Join us next week when we eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich Michael Eisner-style."
"Hi everybody! here's a quick tutorial on how to eat a tangerine like Zorba the Greek! You remember Zorba don't you? He was the Greek guy in the book and the film who really knew how to live! Zorba had a passion for the moment!"
"Begin the way Zorba would, by smelling the fruit. Even the skin of a tangerine is fragrant! Notice the little lunar bumps and valleys. This is the way your skin looks to a flea!"
Don't just peel the tangerine...violate it! Risk going to jail over it! Be Zorba the Greek! Rip that little sucker apart!
"Oops! I forgot about the strings! Isn't life always like that? Just when you're having fun you discover the strings!"
"Well, there's nothing for it but to let the strings fall willy-nilly to the ground. Don't be a dweeb and put them in the wastebasket. Zorba rips his fruit and doesn't worry about the consequences!"
"Now lovingly apply the fruit to the tongue. Tomorrow everybody on the net will have photoshopped a penis into this picture, but I include it anyway, because I like the angle."
"Ooooh! Feel the flavor burst out of the little flavor sacks! That's the taste of liquid sunshine!"
"Feel the citric acid burn your mouth!"
"Man! That's good!"
"Huh....?"
"OK, there's seeds! No big deal!"
"Yummy!"
"OK, there's even more seeds. Actually they never end. Every tangerine has more seeds than the total volume of the fruit. It's a mystery. Don't try to understand it."
"What would Zorba do with the seeds?"
"Now, you may have noticed that by this time your fingers have gotten pretty sticky."
"Zorba would have just wiped his hands on somebody's sleeve, but I have a six month-old restaurant towelette, so I think I'll use that."
"Rip it open with gusto...."
"...and marvel at how they manage to compress a whole wet towel into a small space like that."
"Smell the exotic perfume. How many camels in how many caravans were necessary to bring this precious scent to the West?"
"Now wipe the fingers, taking care not to miss a single spot." 
"Amazing! It's just a little Beatrix Potter-size towel but it gets the job done."
"Well, that's it! Join us next week when we eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich Michael Eisner-style." 
