Thursday, June 09, 2011

MY SOLUTION FOR NEW YORK'S "UGLY" PROBLEM

That's (above) the way New York City looked in 1950. Pretty impressive, eh?

But that was then, and this is now. Let's face it, present day New York has an ugly problem. A lot of the city was built in the tens and twenties and  that style hasn't always aged gracefully. There are exceptions, but the fact remains that even places like Dubai and Yemen have cities that look better than New York now, at least in some areas.

Well, there's not much money to rebuild now, so we'll have to live with the old warhorse as is for a while longer. Here's my probably cock-eyed suggestions for prettying up the city and bringing in more tourist dollars without spending a lot of money.

Suggestion #1: More trees would help, and so would more shops on the exterior ground floors of buildings.

Suggestion #2: Do something about the awkward spaces between some of the tired old buildings. I don't mean the giant skyscrapers, which I love, but the dirty, dismal structures that are maybe seven or eight stories high. Buildings like that are often surrounded by ugly streets that are way too wide, are hard to cross, and are wind traps in the winter.

For certain streets like that, I suggest an elevated boardwalk over the traffic. Build it to look either deliberately old fashioned or ultra-high tech; either is okay provided that it looks very inviting to users. Make it for walking and for bicycles. The boardwalk would follow an irregular path around the area, covering the streets that need a little magicians' misdirection to divert attention away from their ugliness.



Suggestion #3: Take some profession with lots of visibility like bus driving, and limit the practitioners to beautiful women in miniskirts. Sure it's unfair to everybody else who wants a job, but the idea is to bring in tourist dollars.

Suggestion #4: Make the world's first roller coaster mass transportation. I don't mean something with loop-the-loops or really high hills...just something fast and fun and hilly that careens around the streets above the traffic. Maybe there's almost a mile between stops. This would be for physically fit riders only, and would not be a substitute for normal bus routes. Build just one to see if it catches on.

Suggestion #5: Seed the city with exotic birds. Stock the river with shore-hugging fish with a high tolerance for dirty water.

Suggestion #6.....no, that's enough for now.

Post Script: Okay, New York is a heck of a lot more visually interesting than Dubai...I overstated that...but you can see what I'm getting at, can't you?

16 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michael Sporn said...

New York looks as wownderful today as it did in the days of King Kong. Comparing it to Dubai and Yemen is like comparing a glass ball off a Christmas tree with a shiny plastic one. The glass one has all the stuff we're looking for.

The problem is that all cities have trashed up and everything is less than what it was. Just look at any animated film.

Steven M. said...

You should run for president, Eddie.

Ivan K. said...

#8 Repainting the facades of those dismal buildings. Why not? Someone with taste should take a look at Prague and Tirana (sic), and try to outdo them.

I wish that you visit the link I'm providing alongside my name, as I'm posting this comment. I used only a few images, but did try to make something out of them (and the textual content of the page is far from trivial, I warn you!) I also added images in the "Money transfers" section - links on the right...work in progress. :)

JohnDoe123 said...

We can all dream, Eddie. I love suggestion #3, I think all tourist need permanent exotic escorts to travel around town with, there's room in the budget, right?

pappy d said...

I like your boardwalk idea. New Yorkers need a place for people who walk slowly. If things get bad enough, pedestrianism will make a big comeback.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Sporn has a good point. NYC is still beautiful, especially when photographed with loving care by one who knows the neighborhood. This time lapse footage was shot in Manhattan over about a month and a half in April and May of this year, from various hotel room windows and such:

http://vimeo.com/24492485

thomas said...

The old stuff has aged ok. you have to wonder how what is being built now is going to age. seems like its not really meant to last anyway.
The neighborhood that I lived in in Brooklyn was comprised of mostly ticky tacky. as the song goes, 100 yr old wood framed houses with siding. Now and then there would be a real antique Victorian. It had a scale, it was ugly by circumstance. The beauty was negative, it was in what wasn't there. In the past 10 years that scale has been destroyed by buildings that are ugly by intention, rather the intentions behind them being built. A new kind of TICKY TACKY.

malvinia reynolds

Jules said...

I like your idea of adding more trees, but I really have to disagree with you on many older buildings being uglier, most have just been beaten up a bit over the years and need restoration and renovation. Here's an example from Sydney called The Trocadero
http://www.sydneyarchitecture.com/INW/INW22.htm
If you scroll down the page you can see how grungy and grim the facade looked just 5 or so years ago.

Michael Sporn said...

"Anonymous" left a link to a wonderful time-lapse film of NYC. It's an amazing piece of work. One that hasn't been matched since Hilary Harris did "Organism". I suggest everyone check it out.

http://vimeo.com/24492485/

thomas said...

I don't know about that video. Seems like the inverse of the nature videos that used to run in band around the Lehman Brothers building,

Lehman Brothers

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Michael: Ouch! I was hoping you wouldn't see this post. All those beautiful pictures you post of Manhattan...your blog makes a powerful argument for what's special about that city. I've only been in New York four times, each time for only a few days. What I know about it comes mostly from mafia movies where bodies get dumped out of cars on seedy back streets.

Now I feel guilty for slandering the city.

Ivan: Interesting site!

Anon: Wow! A nice film!

Thomas: Haw! I used to know the words to that song! Did she write it?

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Jules: Interesting! I didn't know that Australia had so many beautiful old buildings.

Thomas: The Lehman Bros. facade looks great! I wish I could see it up close.

Michael: I looked up Hilary Harris on YouTube. The two interviews with him on public access TV would make a great one act play. Harris is so nervous and the interviewer is so long-winded...always searching for the mot jouse (spelled right?). the two make for an interesting contrast.

thomas said...

I think she wrote it. The song's kinda addictive.. must have listened 20 times when I first heard it. Used as opening theme for the series Weeds.

Well, I thought of the Lehman Brothers building, because the video looked commercial, and not in a good way.

romans said...

As a NYer and artist who portrays the city, I read your entry with interest. I guess there is a problem with the city's look now, but thankfully it will pull through as it always does. Manhattan still looks off kilter, due to 911. The photo you show is from the grand era when classic scrapers dominated, but now there are so many bland, flat-top glassy buildings that mute the spires; these were ok when they were anchored by the modern twin towers, but now they just look dull or unbalanced. Thankfully NY always changes, and it will evolve to a new look--maybe with roller coasters!

The Aardvark said...

Eddie, your answer is in your aerial shot at the top: Have a Connie in every shot of NYC.

Problem solved, you genius, you.